My 17 year old son Christian is the luckiest duck to be invited on a trip to Italy with the family of his longtime buddy Matt Shappert.  After one year of dreaming about it, and another year planning it, the four left JFK two days ago and will return on the 17th after absorbing Rome, Naples, Pompeii, an offshore island and who knows what else.

I convinced myself not to be bothered that I wouldn’t hear much from Christian knowing how busy they would be, but I awoke to an email with the rundown of the day’s first sites.  I’ll share the letter with you, but first you should know I raised my children to speak the “King’s English”.  No swearing or even slang allowed.  So occasionally my children talk a little “blue” to have some fun with me.  I occasionally turn the tide by speaking “blue” right back and it always surprises them, so that’s the setup of the email.

I hope you’re enjoying your holiday weekend and that you are finding ways to keep cool in the heat.

Hey mom, right now im in the hotel in Rome and we’ve spent all day walking around and seeing all the cool stuff like the huge ass fountain, some monuments, statues, ruins and a glimpse of the Colosseum. Tomorrow were going to the Colosseum and today we also went to a italian diner place and i got this pasta and i’ll never see pasta the same. ive got some pictures i’ll send u later. i may not be able to email you again since my laptop wont fit in this adapter for the UK power outlets. maybe I can buy one myself with 3 prongs instead of 2. I guess i could also use my ipod for email. But whatever. Ill talk to you later hopefully. Love, your favorite child

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Here was my response to Christian:

Christian, thank you for this email.  Sounds like you’ve hit the ground running.  I feel like I’m on the trip with you!  I’m familiar with all the landmarks you mentioned but never saw the big ass fountain in any guide books.  The Shapperts must really know Italy.

Natalie will be jealous of the pasta you’re eating.  Me too.

Love, Your favorite parent

You may not be familiar with the name, but you’ve probably seen his work, especially if you read The New Yorker magazine.  The cartoons he creates with captions that nail the human condition are first-rate.  I have a book of them.  Here are a few examples to make you smile. I hope you like them.  I’ll add more in the future.

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1. The back steps are my extra refrigerator

2. I enjoy the January utility bill

3. I love watching icicles tear at my gutters

4. The line of salt on my boots reminds me of ocean waves.

5. I can wear every article of clothing I own.  All at once.

6. It’s fun to open those hand warmers in packages

7. The lawn mower doesn’t wake me up early in the morning

8. More space for us when the Snowbirds leave

9. You can’t lose sunglasses when you never wear them

10. Hair dries faster

What do you “love” about winter.  Please write in.

New Year’s Resolutions about Money

2005:   I will not spend money frivolously.

2006:   I will pay off my bank loan promptly.

2007:  I will pay off my bank loans promptly.

2008:  I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2011.

2009:   I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2012.

2010:   I will try to be out of the country by 2013.

Resolutions about Work:

2007:  I will not let my boss push me around.

2008:  I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.

2009:  I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.

2010:  I will be sure to mention my boss to Dr. Thomas and the group.

Resolutions about Marriage

2007:  I will try to be a better husband to Marge

2008:  I will not leave Marge.

2009:  I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.

2010:  I will try to be a better husband to Sandy.

Resolutions about Church

2007:  I will go to Church every Sunday.

2008:  I will go to church as often as possible.

2009:  I will set aside time each day for prayer and reflection.

2010:  I will try to catch the televangelist on TV when I can’t sleep.

Resolutions about Weight

2007:  I will get my weight below 180.

2008:  I will watch my calories until I get below 190.

2009:  I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.

2010:  I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Thank you, jokesaboutnewyears.com.    Happy New Year!

Sometimes the news is darn depressing.  And it doesn’t have to be a gigantic event like the World Trade Center attack or the Christmas Tsunami to bring on despair.  It can be the report about the family pet who died outside the burning home even after firefighters fashioned some sort of mouth-to-snout resuscitation.  Or the elderly man who wandered away from his home and was found frozen to death in the woods just beyond his back yard.   Sad tale upon sad tale, every night on the TV news.

You’d think it would drive the news staff crazy to be subjected to this as a line of work, but it’s really the opposite.  I’m living proof that news anchors and reporters really are crazy, but in this way, they’re the sanest people around and we can all learn something by their example.

As anchor of the evening news on WTVH-TV in Syracuse, New York for nearly three decades, audience members  often asked me if I got depressed reporting so much sadness and crime every night.  The answer was no.  I had therapists all around me in the form of other anchors.

Once the commercial hit, we started started talking about everything that wasn’t the news.  Sometimes it was our plan for the dinner hour, but many times, it was about what we had just watched on the program.  We talked and we shared.  Sometimes we got momentarily weepy, often we were outraged, but we always got it out.

We did the weather segment, and then the sports segment, but as those commercials kept coming  so did our feelings.  By the time we got home to our families we were all talked out.  No more anger and grief.  Our feelings were in their rightful place, the guy next to us.

Seriously, you can’t get stuck with something if people take it from you, and in that way my news colleagues were my therapists, and I like to believe I was theirs.  We took the stress away from each other. I used to be surprised my non-news industry friends so often felt blue about the news and now I know why.  Without the benefit of the other anchor and the meteorologist and the sports guy, the news can really get to you.

So if you feel down about what’s happening in the world, and you can’t find a news anchor, or a weatherman or a sports guy, pick up the phone and call a friend.  Tell them what you just saw and heard.  They’ll take it from you.  And if you do it quickly, you’ll still have time to catch the last story of the newscast, the one about the water-skiing squirrel in Iowa.