Sibling Support And Love

I was distracted all day in the very best of ways.  Christian was traveling to San Diego to stay the weekend with Natalie who lives there, and to attend Spike TV’s Video Game Awards show tomorrow night in Los Angeles.

Early pics from San Diego from Natalie's I-phone

I believe this is the dream of every parent.  Not that their child will attend the VGA’s, but that their children will eventually arrive at a place where it is a joy to give to a sibling rather than to take; the complete opposite of what brothers and sisters seem hardwired to do growing up in the same house.  All that lobbying for the love of parents, space in a house and food on the table is a daily cockfight-in-residence; survival of the fittest, the fittest usually being the oldest until there’s enough growth so that the fittest is sometimes the most sly.

Growing up as the only girl among three brothers, Natalie used to hoard food in her room; basic stuff like boxes of cheddar goldfish and Lucky Charms cereal or whatever groceries she unpacked from the car that she didn’t want the boys to eat first.  When Natalie did leave the cereal in the kitchen she would raid the box of all the charms, leaving the boys with the rest of it that tasted no better than ordinary cheerios.  I fielded complaints all the time back then.

Post script, 12/16:  Natalie telephoned, howling with laughter that I called her out publicly for eating all the charms.  She had forgotten she used to do that and now finds it the funniest thing.

Family life should always be loving, but children make it competitive and there’s little you can do to stop it, especially in large families.  There is only so much time, space and cash to go around.  That’s why I think the key to helping siblings get along is to give them responsibility instead of  stuff.  I’ve noticed the confidence they get from self-reliance and accomplishment is far more beneficial than providing private rooms and pricey wardrobes and the expectation I’ll jump at every need.   Strip kids of this distraction and they focus on what’s left; themselves and each other.

Thank you Natalie for bringing us along for the fun.

Natalie has spent the past year carving out a life within her means in sunny San Diego. With a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Seton Hall University, she went west with no job prospect or apartment but with the company of her oldest friend Lauren whom she met in kindergarten and who decided to move to California too.

Their only plan was the cross country drive where they would make tracks all day and then set their GPS on the next college town where they would find a chain motel, get all dressed up and head to the campus bars for the evening.  Heads always turned as the room of regulars wondered who were these beautiful strangers who just walked in.  Natalie said it was a week of fabulous fun and I wonder why I didn’t do that when I was 22.

Natalie’s winning ways secure many new friends and one of them is an awards show producer whose job it is to fill the seats in those big auditoriums for the televised performances.  They’re aptly called “seat fillers”.  Ever notice when they pan the crowd at the Academy Awards or other shows and you never see an empty seat, even when many of the stars are getting escorted back stage to present awards?  Elegantly dressed seat fillers take a celebrity’s chair until he or she returns.

The other shows like the MTV Video Awards, bring in hip young people to occupy the first several rows of seats in the wings along the stage.  A few months ago Natalie and Lauren were tanned and lovely right up front.  Since cell phones and cameras are banned from the auditorium, the girls reported a dozen messages on their phones when they returned to their car from friends around the country who asked “was that you I saw on MTV just now”?  Why didn’t I do that when I was 22 too?  Oh wait, they didn’t have MTV when I was 22.

When Natalie’s promoter friend offered up a place at the Video Game Awards she promptly called me to hatch a plan to bring Christian out there.  Christian has never been to San Diego and it is his dream to attend a college for graphic arts and to design video games someday.  It’s like bringing a member of the Sherman Park Bulldogs football team to the Super Bowl, or a young figure skater from Radisson to the Olympics or a golfer from Burnet Park to watch Tiger Woods, er, or maybe not him right now.  Anyway, Natalie used her own money to get Christian a plane ticket; it was that important to her to give her youngest brother this opportunity.

Last night Christian and I did what everyone at these awards shows does prior to the presentation, we shopped for a killer outfit worthy of a national television audience.  Versace?  Armani?  Nope, Marshalls.  Christian looks spectacular and grown up in his $16.99 jeans and $19.99 shirt.

Christmas is pretty great when you’re a kid who believes in Santa, but for me it’s been even greater introducing Santa to my own.  That’s what I see in Natalie right now.  I don’t know who was more excited planning for this weekend, Christian or her.  Natalie has a consistent appreciation of giving to a sibling.  It could not be forced on her, she had to sample the feeling in smaller ways with a little something for her brothers on Christmas or birthdays.  But once you get a taste of giving to a sibling after all those years of struggle and competition, it’s a particular brand of joy.

It’s not to say everything is roses over here.  Two siblings who were very close growing up are now in need of a little “space”, but this will evolve too.  The greater the bond, the higher the expectation and the deeper the hurt.  It’s all practice for future relationships which come by choice.  Families are forever and they can weather a little experimentation as they learn how to honor the position of others with plenty of mirrors around for self-reflection.

Here’s to my little babies, child number one and child number four, enjoying a memorable weekend in San Diego, born of opportunity and sacrifice and love.  The Video Game Awards air on Spike TV at 8:00 tomorrow, December 12th.  Look for the pretty blonde and handsome young man near the very front.   I made them from scratch.

Tagged as: family, Los Angeles, San Diego, Sibling rivalry, VGAs, Video Game Awards