Pinch Me

I mean that figuratively of course.  If you actually come up and pinch me I might have to slap you, unless I’m in a real good mood and then I might invite you to do it more.

OK.  I’m in a great mood.  I’m still wondering how the heck I landed this most plum assignment of a career that isn’t even a career anymore.

My son Harry and I were Honorary Observers for the PGA Turning Stone Resort Championship on Saturday.  This is an experimental program begun three years ago by the Pro Golfer’s Association, essentially to reward big donors with a walk inside the ropes of a twosome.

All I’ve donated is my broad smile and enthusiasm, but so far it’s been enough to get me back to the Empowerment Fund each year, the Charity Arm of the Tournament, which has raised one million dollars for Central New York non-profits since its inception three years ago.

Harry and I were assigned to follow players Jimmy Walker and John Senden who politely understand this is designed to build the PGA and they go along with things, but essentially we are nobody to these guys.   After teeing off, Jimmy approached Harry and me, introduced himself and offered his hand.  That did it.  We rooted for him from that moment on.  That simple gesture was all it took to sway our collective energy his way.

We followed the PGA rules carefully.  Honorary Observers are to walk along with the other spectators, only we are just inside the ropes instead of just outside.  After nine holes our PGA liaison wanted to give us even better access, suggesting we stick with the scorekeeper, the man who carries the sign behind the players.  Are you kidding?  You mean follow him right up the center of the fairway?  We won’t get arrested?  Or shot?  OK!  We’re in.

So if you want to know what it’s like to follow PGA players as they approach a tee with spectators all around I’ll tell you it is major thrilling.  You feel like you’re in an ocean of green and there are eyes in the distance, everywhere.  It’s so cool and you feel real proud.

Except on the 15th hole when we weren’t standing in the right spot.  You see, you can’t get ahead of the players on any shot and they always get a head start to the next shot.  Plus their legs are six feet long and they walk fast anyway.  Harry and I looked like Olympic speed walkers trying to keep up because we’d look goofy actually jogging along the fairway like there’s some emergency.  We did well pretty well with our speed walking until the 15th when we just couldn’t get to the other side of the tee on time.

At that moment we learned players have eyes in the back of their head because as Harry and I discreetly moved far behind the tee to get to the regulation side, John Senden turned around, singled us out and asked us to stand still.  OK.  You know how you felt when you were 12 and the teacher told you to deliver something to another classroom and the Principal was walking in the hall at the time and scolded you for being there?  That’s how we felt.

No sweat.  When Jimmy Walker stepped up to take his turn, aware Harry and I had been singled out to freeze, he motioned for us to continue to our place.  Way to go Jimmy.  We knew we loved you for a reason.  Later Harry and I joked how our friends would want to know if the players said anything to us, such as “give me your phone number and let’s go out for a beer after the round is over”.

“Oh yeah” we mocked, “They talked to us.  They told us to get out of their way”.

So the next day I was in my house in Syracuse, staining my living room windows when the call came from Turning Stone.  There was a miscommunication at the course and could I please come right out to be Mistress of Ceremonies for the Award Ceremony in just two hours?  You kidding?  H- – l  ya.

As if my Empowerment Fund credentials and parking pass to Lot 5 were not enough, I got clearance to drive directly to the Clubhouse, like where the PLAYERS AND THEIR FAMILIES HANG OUT.   I generously avoided the “Player Parking” signs and took a spot in the back corner, just as the head of security arrived to apologize for missing me at the gate to escort me in.  Ann Spencer, the Tournament Director, pulled up in a golf cart and suggested we take a seat in the dining room to discuss the five sentences I was scripted to say for the ceremony once a winner was determined.

We walked past State Troopers and Oneida Security and into the dark paneled dining room overlooking the 18th hole and the setting sun and the Golf Channel setup on the porch outside.  The Golf Channel coverage played on a big flat screen TV over the buffet spread of prime rib, pasta salads, bread, and baked potatoes and just over the little pumpkins painted and signed by the player’s children.

The service is world class, just like home I thought, only I provide the service.  After our meal and a quick chat it was time to walk to the V.I.P tent, adjacent to the Clubhouse, also overlooking the 18th green and a magnificent amber sunset, to find Oneida Nation Representative and Turning Stone CEO, Spiderman, Superman,  Genius visionary Ray Halbritter in the V.I.P tent.  Instructed to stick by Ann, I stood way out of my league at Ray’s corner with his mother and top echelon of the Turning Stone.    All dressed up for an Award’s Ceremony I was important but not that important.  I thought I should be indoors with fellow Empowerment Fund Committee Members watching from behind the glass.  Tim Petrovic walked outside after his tie for third place to thank Ray for a well-run tournament.

You probably heard what happened next; players Matt Kuchar and Vaughn Taylor ended the competition tied for first.   A playoff began with both players repeating the 18th hole, but they tied again.  They went to the next hole but ran out of daylight.  Everyone, including the exhausted Turning Stone staff, was told to return for an 8:30 am start today.  Asked once again if I’d be willing to return in the morning I said “H – - l ya” to myself and nodded in the affirmative.

Another day, another buffet meal in the Clubhouse.  Matt Kuchar’s wife and two little children ran around the carpeted dining room as increasing numbers of Turning Stone staff sought refuge from the deteriorating weather conditions to watch the six-hole marathon on the Golf Channel indoors.  Kuchar won the duel; his reliable smile reminded me of Carmelo Anthony’s Championship season with the Syracuse University basketball team in 2003.  In a match of equals a smile can sometimes give you the edge.

So I’m still smiling now, several hours later, after a dignified ceremony recognizing the Oneida People and props all around for the best field of players and most dramatic outcome yet,  Matt Kuchar even taking the microphone from Ray Halbritter at the end to add words of appreciation to the Atunyote grounds crew for doing everything they could to manage the course in unmanageable weather conditions.

A crush of photographers shot everything that moved and I was asked to pose for a photo with Ray Halbritter and Matt Kuchar.  When I get the photo I’ll frame it and send it down to my 20 year old son Charlie who’s on the golf team with the University of Tampa, so he can tell all his friends “yeah my mom hangs out with Matt Kuchar”.

I’m smiling at all of it.  Smiling so broadly you might even get away with pinching me.  Literally.

Tagged as: golf, PGA, Turning Stone Resort Championship