Which One of Us is Gay?

Some of my best parenting took place in the car.  I had four children strapped into their seats and when they weren’t listening to Raffi  on CD, they were listening to me.   There was a bonus in the ride as I was listening to them too.

Even though I had my children in rapid succession, the conversations with the oldest child were usually lost on the youngest.  Little Christian often sat in the back of the SUV.  His constant rocking back and forth meant that none of the other kids would sit next to him, so Christian was the cute and happy one alone in the “way back” as we used to describe the third seat.

We were all together in the car one summer on an excursion to Provincetown, Massachusetts from our vacation home on Cape Cod.  If you’ve never been to Provincetown you should be clear about this:  It is simultaneously gay friendly and family friendly, if your family is open to gay couples of all description making their affections known in public.

After a day spent walking around in this unique environment, the subject of who “gets” gay came up on the ride home.  My oldest child posed the question and was therefore ready for the answer,  the middle two boys less so, and Christian wouldn’t have a clue about what we were saying.

I told the kids that statistics vary on the prevalence of homosexuality.  Some scientists believe it’s one in ten, but others have suggested it’s one in four who is gay.  Immediately, the kids scanned the car to calculate their odds.
Natalie was first to declare emphatically “I’m not gay”.  The next oldest jumped in “I’m not gay.  At least I don’t think I’m gay”.  Charlie mimicked what the others said as he saw no advantage to having an independent mind at a time like this.  So that left Christian, too young and too slow on the uptake to realize he should have spoken up sooner.

All eyes  turned to Christian who suddenly had the attention of everyone in the car, which judging from the broad smile on his face, must have been a good thing.   Simultaneously the older three declared “Now Christian, he’s definitely gay”.

We all laughed, including Christian who said he had no recollection of the story when I told him about it recently.  As a 15 year old Christian now has an appreciation of that moment.  But what I love even more is the word “gay” is no more an insult to my children today than it was when they first learned about the concept as really little kids.  I was aware at the time not many parents would be so nonchalant about this emotionally charged topic.  I’m happy to have been the exception.

I still don’t know which, if any of my children will be the statistical fourth person to be gay.  But I do know that amusing little lesson in the car that summer day many years ago had the intended effect.  In addition to gay meaning homosexual, in our family gay still means happy too.

Tagged as: Cape Cod, children, gay, homosexuality, Parenting, Provincetown